go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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