I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
