I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
