I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
