I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
