If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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