I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
