I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
