Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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