When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
