you would pick up someone in the library
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
