She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
