i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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