I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
