oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
