So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You are a genius and a whore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
