feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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