My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
