you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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