You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
