she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
