so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
