it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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