just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
