nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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