I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
