I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
