nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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