this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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