Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
