Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
