She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
