Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
