I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize