I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
