Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
