what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
