she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
