woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
