Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
