Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
