Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
