Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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