I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
