im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
