margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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