He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
sarcasm needs its own font
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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