he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
