its not stalking. its research.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
