she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you inspire me to be a worse person
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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