some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
