Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
