I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
