There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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