At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
